I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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