So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
