Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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