so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he puts the penis in happiness.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
