sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
