I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
