weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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