she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
