Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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