Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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