I will die if light touches me.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
