Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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