i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
