At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
