Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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