Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
