You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
