Dual....:-)
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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