I'm jealous of your bromance
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
