My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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