It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
