I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i now understand why vodka
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
