I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
