I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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