Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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