We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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