I seem to have left my pride at pride
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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