Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
