"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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