What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
