I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
