Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
