he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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