You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
