The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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