I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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