I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
