M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
