Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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