I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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