I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
