If that was your dad, he is hot
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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