I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
