The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
