It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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