Just took my morning after pill in the library
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
