Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
