I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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