I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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