Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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