I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
