he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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